MUDKISS FANZINE

And if ye will not for all this hearken unto me, but walk contrary unto me; Then I will walk contrary unto you also in fury; and I, even I, will chastise you seven times for your sins. And ye shall eat the flesh of your sons, and the flesh of your daughters shall ye eat. And I will destroy your high places, and cut down your images, and cast your carcasses upon the carcasses of your idols, and my soul shall abhor you. And I will make your cities waste, and bring your sanctuaries unto desolation, and I will not smell the savour of your sweet odours.

Leviticus 26:27-31

“Which do you think is better?” said the man at the back of the 249 bus. “The Sixties or the Eighties?”

Regardless of what the neo-learned, pouring over Joe Strummer’s ‘Rudi Can’t Fail’ lyrics, might posit as they compose their papers on the Significance of Geographical Ethnomusicology for a doctorate from Padiddlyboing, Idaho State University, riding around London on a bus was rarely as groovy as Joe made it sound. The 19, cited in his lyrics, terminated at Tooting Bec in those days, whereas the 249 travelled right on toward the Streatham of ‘Stay Free’.

The man at the back of the 249 bus was on his way to Springfield Hospital, a psychiatric institution that exists today. He found a kindred spirit at the front of the upper deck, a similar, fawn overcoated man who had joined the bus at Totting Bec Hospital, another mental health unit, now a housing estate. “Tommy Steele: Came from Bermondsey. Didn’t say much,” he offered, by way of a reply.

In the mid 1980s, these men were classified as mentally ill, marginalised by the system and compelled to waste their creativity via a seemingly never-ending series of non-sequiturs aimed vaguely at bewildered bus users. We are now living in more enlightened times. This decade has seen such free thinkers emerge as the engines behind much of Channel 4’s programming, compiling lists based on knight’s move thinking and loose association to fill hundreds of schedule hours. You’ve watched them: Britain’s 100 Greatest Ringtones, The 50 Best Lubricants of the 1960s, and so on.

Now we are at the end of a decade. The excitement that gripped those of us hoping that the world would end at the turn of the millennium has evaporated, burned off by the fact that it didn’t. Instead of glorious destruction, we were left to watch an endless procession of nothing, as the likes of Simon Cowell, Katie Price and Wayne Rooney seized the zeitgeist without necessarily being able to spell it.

In a few weeks, Stuart Maconie will be woken by his mother to answer a telephone call from a production company that lacked either the budget or the nous to hire Paul Morley. He will be driven to a nondescript studio on the outskirts of a drab town, handed a beaker from Starbucks, and hopped up on latte and whipped cream, babble enthusiastically to a camera about the amount of Yakult he worked his way through while watching the 9/11 debacle.

If I want to stay ahead of that kind of breaking wave, I’m going to need to get in first, and do it quickly. The Noughties, while nowhere near being as much fun as the term sounds when one says it, did at least improve upon its predecessor by managing to cough up more than a meagre handful of good albums. Someone with a degree in media studies is looking at Stuart Maconie’s resume as I write this. The production assistant takes another hit of crystal meth and sees that here is the man. There’s little time. For what it’s worth, here’s the honour roll...

20        Fever To Tell – the Yeah Yeah Yeahs (Interscope/Fiction, 2003)

In keeping with a pattern maintained throughout the decade, the Yeah’s started strongly with a couple of decent releases, and then decided that anodyne was the word and the way. Live, well worth fighting one’s way through hordes of Fred Gumby Metal Men lolloping in the opposite direction to see Metallica at Reading. And isn’t Karen just lovely? This is the one with the ‘hits’.

19        Fatherfucker –Peaches (XL, 2003)

Scary. Apparently some don’t like Ms Nicker’s crotch, on account of what she describes as ‘fuzzy spots’. The young people tell me that this is ‘electroclash’, so that’s alright, then. The album features several guests, most notably Iggy Pop for the standout track ‘Kick It’. Peaches returned the favour on Iggy’s Skull Ring, popping up for ‘Motor Inn’, during which, The Divine Ig mines the core of rock’n’roll with the lyric, ‘titties, titties, titties/titties, titties, titties/I love those titties’.

18        I Started Out With Nothin... – Seasick Steve (Warner, 2008)

Give the kids what they want... a 67 year-old bloke with a big white beard who drives around on a tractor and twangs away on a bit of wire nailed to a lump of old deal. That’s one in the eye for your four-to-the-floor crowd. One of the few decent things to emerge from the horrible self-congratulatory miasma of Later With Jools Holland. Steve’s subsequent Man From Another Time would also get a mention, but I’m limiting things to one album per bearded dude.

17        Sing Sing Death House – the Distillers (Hellcat, 2002)  

Brody Dalle had a voice like Bonnie Tyler gargling superheated marbles. The Distillers’ second album catches her at her larynx shredding best, particularly on ‘Lordy Lordy’. Elsewhere, the rest of the band kicked up a pleasantly coruscating fuzz-fuss. Then they released a monumentally duff third album, Brody wandered off to play house with Josh Homme, and that was that. Nice while it lasted.

16        Osc-Dis – the Mad Capsule Markets

Originally released in Japan in 1999, this was the album that saw the Capsules achieve recognition in the west. And rightly so – Who doesn’t want to hear what it would sound like if the Ramones were pushed into the Hadron Collider? Endearing live, the band mixed techno with buzzsaw guitar to tremendous effect over several albums.

  15        Chain Gang of Love – The Raveonettes (Sony, 2003)

Unlike many of their contemporaries, Danish duo, the Ravonettes have been something of a safe pair of hands throughout the decade, rarely releasing anything iffy and delighting many with an amalgam of influences drawn from the Jesus and Mary Chain, Johnny Thunders and the Ronettes. The literal sound of a Vincent Black Shadow, hammering around a blind bend on the highway to, er, Esbjerg...

 

14        Be Your Own Pet – Be Your Own Pet (XL, 2006)

Despite lifting the chorus riff of 2004 single ‘Fire Department’ straight from Devoto’s ‘Boredom’, BYOP began with enough originality and verve to carry off the odd spot of appropriation. At times, their debut album threatens to dislodge fillings as the band thunder thorough tracks such as ‘Thresher’s Flail’ with quirky abandon. Two years later, they released a disappointing, radio-friendly follow up, Get Awkward, and promptly split.

13        No Wow – the Kills (Domino, 2005)

Another band that would possibly merit more than one mention if I wasn’t making my own rules up as I go along. From their 2003 debut Keep On Your Mean Side, the duo have proven themselves as prime purveyors of nasty, dirty rock’n’roll. Their fourth album is expected next year.

12        Youth and Young Manhood – Kings of Leon (RCA, 2003)

Could easily be titled Before We Became Shite Vol. 1(of 2). Both this, and the following year’s Aha Shake Heartbreak were enjoyable excursions into shit-kickin’ rock, with ‘Spiral Staircase’ evoking the backwoods spirit of Hasil Adkins in a manner that few aside from the mighty Lux Interior have accomplished. With their third album, Because of the Times (2007), the quartet embarked upon a new career as a U2 tribute band, and have since become fabulously rich.

11        Gypsy Punks: Underdog World Strike – Gogol Bordello (SideOneDummy, 2005)

Eugene Hutz’s multi-ethnic melting pot has produced four albums to date – this is the best of them. A mighty melange of traditional Eastern European rhythms, punk rock and dub, topped with witty lyrics and bags of energy, Gogol Bordello are a hoot live.

10        Veni Vidi Vicious – the Hives (Burning Heart, 2000)

 How can you not love the Hives? They are your Hives and you must love them. Even though 2007’s The Black and White Album failed miserably to live up to the promise of it lead single ‘Tick, Tick, Boom’, the Swedish quintet have amassed an impressive corpus of catchy garage rock, and Pelle Almqvist tells us that he is the world’s most charismatic man. Fair enough.

9          Punk Rock at The British Legion Hall – Billy Childish & the MBE’s (Damaged Goods, 2007)

Continuing where he left off with the Buff Medways, ‘Wild’ Billy Childish enlists the missus, Nurse Julie, and long-time collaborator Wolf Howard to produce yet another album of top notch garage rock, overlaid with no shortage of trenchant social comment. It looks good, its sounds good, and, by golly, it does you good. Salute!

8         C’mon DJ – Mr. Airplane Man (Sympathy For The Record Industry, 2004)

Named after a Howlin’ Wolf cut, Mr. Airplane Man are a criminally underrated duo that deserves to enjoy the same kind of profile as the Kills or the White Stripes. Guitarist Margaret Garrett and drummer Tara McManus pack a mighty blues/garage punch on tracks such as ‘Red Light’ and ‘Asked For Water’, and if you haven’t already, both this and 2002’s Moanin’ deserve checking out.

7          Phoenix – The Warlocks (Birdman, 2002)

A fuzzy, grimy homage to the Velvets that this LA combo has not come close to equalling, before or since. Frontman Bobby Hecksher’s vocals sound an awful lot like Snake from The Simpsons, “Shake the do-ope out, du-ude...’ 

 

6          Fiends of Dope Island – the Cramps (Vengeance, 2002)

A powerhouse swansong from the late Lux and the lovely Ivy, Fiends of Dope island contains all the characteristics that made the Cramps legendary; voodoo rhythms, dangerously funny lyrics, and liberal helpings of the core component of rock’n’roll – sex. Songs such as ‘Fissure of Rolando’ and ‘Elvis Fucking Christ’ are equal to some of the best material in the band’s extensive canon. Calling Dr. Fucker...!

5          Steady The Buffs – the Buff Medways (Transcopic, 2002)

The second album from national treasure/polymath Billy Childish’s post Headcoats beat combo, Steady The Buffs saw the band hit their impressive stride and included several songs such as ‘Troubled Mind’ and ‘Archive From 1959’ that formed key elements of the band’s terrific live set. You can’t beat a bit of Billy.

4          Down In Albion – Babyshambles (Rough Trade, 2005)

Didn’t we have a smashing time at the Astoria riot? Here’s the soundtrack to it – the lazy, underproduced ramblings of a chemical dustbin. But brilliant in places – which is why the bloke shooting up in his tear ducts will always make better rock’n’roll than someone who sees the medium as a career option. 

3          Peace, Love, Death Metal – the Eagles of Death Metal (AntAcid, 2004)

Jesse Hughes and Josh Homme really ought to have knocked it on the head after this. There was no way that they could improve upon an album that captures the very essence of rock’n’roll and then gives it a reach around. And, as if to prove a point, they haven’t. Sparse, deftly produced and relentlessly catchy.

2          Fall Heads Roll – The Fall (Slogan, 2005)

A titanic set of songs built up during the genesis of the (once again) reconstituted Fall, Heads Roll finds living leg-end Mark E. Smith in satisfyingly caustic form. Includes the stand out tracks ‘Blindness’ and ‘What About Us’, both of which can be found in germinal form on the previous year’s Interim. 

1          Up The Bracket – the Libertines (Rough Trade, 2002)

Well, come on, what did you expect ... Kasabian? What else was there? Teetering on the verge of collapse, self referential lyrics that somehow, for a moment, seemed to matter, the soap opera, the communal spirit at gigs ... it was almost like having The Clash back for a while. Mind your bleedin’ own...

 

Dick Porter 12.12.09