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This week finally sees the culmination of the insipid ‘Britain’s Got Talent’. Once again the demonic Simon Cowell has commandeered primetime Saturday night television to promote the bland and the boring on his show.  It’s billed as a talent competition but even a cursory glance at the screen reveals that there’s very little of that on display. Still, Simon and his mates make the show mildly interesting by exploiting the poor contestant’s desperation by getting them to make complete and utter fools of themselves on the telly. Ultimately the glittering prize for the hapless winner is the chance to ruin the Queens evening completely by warbling some mawkish and overwrought karaoke version of some shit song on the Royal Variety, though after this brief taste of celebrity they’ll embark on the return journey back to the obscurity they came from. It’d be funny if it wasn’t so tragic so it makes me really thankful that there are band like the Lovely Eggs who are the antithesis of all this nonsense.

You can only admire a band that takes the brave decision to christen its latest single ‘Fuck It’.  Not only does such a colourful title drain its future of any mainstream success, it also, and this is the real shame, severely limits its chances of being played on daytime radio. But, in the strange and irreverent world of this Lancastrian duo, commercial suicide is a legitimate career move.   

Tonight is the last date of a gruelling tour that’s taken the Lovely Eggs to such far-flung places as Berlin, Hamburg, London, Leicester, Edinburgh, Chelmsford, London again, and London again the night after that.  Happily though, Manchester gets the last laugh because the band has chosen the Night and Day Café to play the final date of their current tour.   Looking more like the bastard love children of Stan and Hilda Ogden than Jack and Meg White - though obviously only if Stan and Hilda had spent a fair few weeks on the Dukan diet - her name is Holly Ross and she plays electric guitar and sings the majority of the words, while his name is David Blackwell and he plays the drums and occasionally tries to sing. Together they create a plucky indiepop that’s fuelled by copious amounts of Strongbow cider and a collection of half-baked theories which are frequently piss-knicker funny. Tonight they start with anti-folk classic ‘People Are Twats’ before storming through the best tracks from their two LPs, debut ‘If You Were Fruit’ and this years ‘Cob Dominos’.

It’s music to drink and think to, though by the bands own admission, its best that the thinking is done in moderation. Sounding grungier than their recorded work, Holly and David come into their own on stage, where they can really let rip through crowd favourites ‘Sexual Cowboy’ and ‘I Like Birds (But I like Other Animals Too)’  If there was any justice in the world, single ‘Don’t Look At Me (I Don’t Like It)’ should’ve have been a massive hit. Tonight though it goes to show how something magical can be created with a guitar and set of drums and a fertile imagination. However it’s ‘Have You Ever Heard a Digital Accordion?’ an anthem that’s playful and powerful and possibly the only song ever written that features American author Richard Brautigan and a time-travelling DeLorean.

What does the future hold for a unique band like the Lovely Eggs? Who knows? One thing’s for sure, they’ll be around longer than most of Cowell’s losers because The Lovely Eggs possess something Simon Cowell wouldn’t recognise no matter how hard he looked: genuine talent   


People Are Twats
Sexual Cowboy
I Like Birds (But I like Other Animals Too)
Hey Scraggletooth
Fuck it
Muhammad Ali and All his Friends
I’m a Journalist
Why Don’t You Like Me
Oh The Stars
Don’t Look At Me (I Don’t Like It)
Print an Imprint
Have You Ever Heard a Digital Accordion?

Review/photos by Phil King